Relationship: He dumped me when his wife found out

Dear Bunmi,

When my husband died five years ago, one of the people who stood by me was an ex-boyfriend. We had a really passionate relationship which later fizzled out. When I became lonely – I had just one child by my husband – my ex took me out and we soon started a relationship. Though I was looking at just the sex, my ex said he loved me and would support me in whatever I do.

Some months ago, his wife found out and she made a lot of noise about it. She made life hell for my ex so that he had no option than to break off our relationship. I’m really heart- broken and feel bereaved all over again.
Efe, By e-mail.

Dear Efe,
The problem really is that you’ve never recovered properly from your original bereavement. It is natural that you became lonely and sad when your husband died, but you made the mistake of rushing into a new relationship with a man who wasn’t even free to love you openly, before you’d fully mourn your husband.
You need to feel sad, depressed and all those other things you should have felt the first time. So, take time to grieve for both your lost relationships. Only when you’re really over them will you be ready to love again. When that happens, make sure it’s with a man who’s free to return your love.