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Can friends be lovers? – Vanguard News 


Dear Bunmi,

I have this male colleague at work and we are very friendly, we see and chat with each other everyday. We’re both single and so far, the relationship has been purely platonic – except for once or twice that we have kissed when slightly tipsy.


Lately, I’ve been having sexual fantasies about him. I’m not sure he feels the same way and I’m worried an affair might ruin our relationship. How do I make the first move without making a fool of myself?

Doyin, by e-mail.

Dear Doyin,

Friendship is believed to be the best possible soil in which love can take root, grow and nourish. By contrast, an affair, which begins like a bolt from the blues, is often in danger of burning out fairly quickly when passion dies, and the couple suddenly realize that they have very little to offer each other beyond sex.

It isa good thing you bonded well with your male friend and he probably depends as much on your support as you do on his. Someone who knows you at work knows the real you; the way you look when you’re tired and the way you react when you are under pressure.

And you know him just as well. You are therefore lucky to have found someone who is such a soul-mate and whom you also fmd attractive, When it comes to love, women often call the shots through body language and subtle come-one, As many men are terrified of rejection, you must be the one to make a move. If you don’t you’ll always regret it wondering what might have been. And if you keep him at arm’s length he may one day turn up with a girlfriend.

I’m sure you’ll fmd this devastating judging by how you now feel about him. So when next you go out together in the evening, stay alert for any signals that his interest in you is not real platonic – and make sure booze is not high on the menu! Try flirting a little to see if he’s willing to follow your lead. At the end of the evening, you may invite him for a proper drink. If he doesn’t respond, as you would like, you won’t have harmed your friendship.

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